the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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