i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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