I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
