god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
