Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
