omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
