Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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