Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I love you.
Bad choice
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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