matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you traded sex for a burrito?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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