Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
