So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
