Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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