Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
