so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
