I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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