I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
