Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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