So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
