Screwed.edu
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
