Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
