i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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