its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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