Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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