ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
