The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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