dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
