No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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