She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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