SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
