your room smells of hookers.
And success
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
