the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
