If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
