I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
