he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
