I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
