I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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