I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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