I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
