you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Did we literally take a cab across the street
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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