So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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