1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Couch. On fire.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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