I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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