Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
