Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
