I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I still have a little drunk in my system
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
