maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
