I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
