Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
