today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize