I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
