He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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