found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
